SINGAPORE – While planning for my wedding in November, I’ve been feeling a lot of invisible pressure to spend on what everyone else is spending on.
One such area is the Chinese tradition of Guo Da Li, a ritual where the groom’s family presents the bride’s family with betrothal gifts that symbolise fertility, prosperity, abundance and a harmonious marriage.
These gifts often include gold jewellery, so as gold prices have climbed over the decades, the cost of Guo Da Li has also risen.
Because my parents really want traditions to be upheld, I felt obligated to go along with it.
My husband and I managed to find a shop with affordable jewellery, but the process made me think about how important intentional spending is when it comes to milestones like weddings.
While looking for a wedding venue, some vendors we spoke to had strong opinions about what we were “supposed” to do, such as the number of guests to invite and the type of food to serve, and even on the sequence of events.
People around me often held their weddings at expensive hotels, and my mother didn’t want me to have mine at a venue that would make me look “poor” by comparison.
But I didn’t want to spend for appearances’ sake – to me, that isn’t what a wedding is about.
My husband and I eventually settled on a venue that isn’t a lavish hotel but offers something I really want – a view of the blue sea during the solemnisation.
I’ve never enjoyed being cooped up indoors, so having a beautiful outdoor view on the most important day of my life is a priority. The venue we have chosen is also relatively small, ensuring we can celebrate our marriage with only the people who matter.
When it came time to plan our pre-wedding photo shoot, I remembered friends who had done theirs overseas amid scenic landscapes, and wondered if I would regret not doing the same.
But overseas shoots come at a high cost, and having my cat, Guppy, in the photos mattered more to my husband and me.
We decided on a local shoot with a photographer whom my colleague had hired for her own wedding photos, and the results were both stunning and meaningful to us.
We took photos at the mala stall we’ve frequented for years, and with Guppy in front of the car my husband has driven me to countless dates in. None of this would have been possible overseas – an option that would also have cost us at least three times as much.
Intentional saving has also helped me a lot when planning wedding expenditures. My husband and I set aside about a quarter of our monthly salaries for savings and investments.
I was initially unhappy about it, but I soon saw the value in it – even as wedding costs drained our finances, I was still able to do things I love, such as travelling for overseas concerts.
My biggest takeaway from wedding planning is this – spend on what matters to you, rather than what is expected of you.
My advice for anyone planning their wedding: Ask yourself what truly matters to you in this wedding.
For me, it is the memories we will make, and not how Instagram-worthy the wedding will look.
When my husband and I look back on this milestone years from now, it won’t be the wedding’s lavishness we remember, but the joy we felt celebrating the union of two people who just happened to cross paths one fateful day.
